Inefficiency

My advice to most people is to change currency before you leave. Nevermind that the exchange rate sucks. I listened to that bad advice, and took a flight with American dollars, expecting to change my cash in the foreign airport. But our driver warned us that there would be better rates in the city. I trusted his advice, without realizing he had no intention of taking us into the city. Not much beats the sensation of having 50 bucks in your wallet, and still being flat broke. God bless credit cards.

On arrival, my first experience of the university was being greeted in the Grand Hall. Though, maybe it only appeared to be grand because it was dark, angular, and empty. 7AM on a sunday morning; even the night watchman is gone. I suppose I could always just break my own door open. Instead, I call Ann, the study abroad liason. No answer. Eventually, I just banged on a few doors until someone woke up. The resentful young man went to fetch Old Man River, UQ's answer to the RCC. In the meanwhile, I grabbed my second breakfast, the first being on descent into Australia.

I dont know what Australian food is, but I didnt imagine it to be poached eggs and canadian bacon. I settled on a PB&J sandwich, which apparently horrified the only other living person on campus. God forbid I put jelly (not jam!) with my peanut butter. Limey fucks.

Two hours of no tv, no computer, and no real food later, I returned to the dining room. This time, I encountered Americans. And lunch. At 10AM. Nothing says Third Breakfast like the aborted lovechild of sausage and meatball. This is also where I grabbed dinner, as they thought it would be a clever idea to stop serving all food for the day at 11. Chilled Canadian Bacon, a la Aluminum Foil. Bon Appetite!

Ann's job is to help me when I'm in trouble, and teach me survival tactics in Brisbane. She does neither. I have come to the conclusion that I need a cell phone and soap, so I decide to venture into the city solo. Why do I need Ann to teach me about the bus system when I can learn by getting lost and wasting money on one-way tickets? Besides, she was too busy enjoying the Koala Sanctuary.

Fuck koalas. All they do is sleep, eat, and eat their own shit. And bite. They're like babies, if babies were rabid shit-eaters. How did this become the mascot for Australia?

200 dollars later, I have soap and a cell phone. Whoever invented the concept of pre-paid cell phones should go quail hunting with Dick Cheney. Pay 100 dollars up front for a phone, pay 50 a month for expiring minutes, and chip away at it daily by making local phone calls at 80 cents a minute. If this system was logical, you'd return the phone when you cancel your plan. No, its yours to keep. But its not yours to use; they've locked it to only work on their system. Its fucking highway robbery, and those brilliant cocksuckers have us transient visitors by the balls.

On my way out of the mall, I decide to have an early dinner in the food court. Where else besides Australia can you have fast-food roasted lamb and mint jelly?

20 minutes and one last bus ticket later, I'm back at my room. This time with keys. But before I can get in, I'm intercepted. I'm invited out to dinner by other students. Sure, maybe I just ate, but why not? Beer-batterd cod, calamari, crab claws, and french fries. Nevermind that I'm not hungry. I only eat the calamari and claws before taking the rest home and putting the box in the fridge next to the canadian bacon. Dinners 3 and 4 for later.

So really, I spent about 300 dollars today, and all I have to show for it is cold meat, animal fat, and getting porked by a cell phone company.