His Orientation

We discover most things by experimentation. Its one thing to be told, it’s another thing entirely to learn. I set upon myself to learn this campus and the city by exploring. I walked to nearly every building on campus, hopped on a bus to the city, walked around downtown by myself, and took the ferry home, all on the first day. So I certainly wasn’t looking forward to a 4 hour info session.

However, I’m pleasantly surprised at our MC, an attempted stand up comic who flew in from Sydney solely to talk to us on our first day. Or maybe more, but I didn’t think that yet. I was too busy wondering why a stand-up comic was telling us about bus passes.

According to the MC, Australia is not all about leather pants, boomerangs, whips, and Subarus. This is ironic, as I had just had a conversation about leather and whips the night before. He also acknowledged that Vegemite tastes like shit, but I still intend to follow through on Katie’s challenge.

We then went over who was from what country. Many were from the USA, but I was surprised by the variety. People were coming from countries I’ve never even heard of. I bet the guy from Vanuatu is having a helluva culture shock right now. And only one from Serbia and Montenegro… half each?

We discussed beer as well. For the connoisseurs out there, and you know who you are, I want your opinion. Try Toohey’s. Then try XXXX (Four X). Tell me which is better. Four X is brewed right here is Brisbane, while Toohey’s is brewed down in New South Wales. Personally, I think Toohey’s is a little better, but I’m afraid I’ll get beat up if I tell that to the wrong person.

Here’s where it started getting fishy. Our MC taught us how to perform a Tim-Tam Orgasm. It involves chocolate and sucking. Maybe a little biting. And we did it on our knees. Look it up. Then he told us about sports, but who uses the phrase “1 in 3 of us are chasing balls on a daily basis?” And he does seem to be rather well-matched and stylish… I don’t know if he’s 1 in 3, but I wouldn’t be shocked if he was 1 in 10.

For a short while, an Aborigine man lectured us on history. Really, what did he have to bitch about? We put our Native Americans on a Trail of Tears, and apologized by giving them smallpox blankets. Though, ironically enough, I also had a conversation last night with an Australian, comparing Aborigines to Native Americans. We were competing over who whose country was crueler to their indigenous. I won.

He also went through pains to emphasis that Australia is really flat and dry. Why does he have to compare the continent to a prepubescent girl (probably scarred by QAF)?

Bullshit finished, we finally got our reward: Free BBQ. Hot dogs and bratwurst. Yes, it was a sausage fest. I’m sure our MC approves.