First Day

Christ, it’s 7. Tell me again why I was drinking until 3am.

Wake up, wash my face, walk to breakfast. I’m slightly limping, and I expect to hear why later today. Breakfast isn’t even being served yet, so I limp back to my room for 10 minutes. Pop an aspirin, and hope my stomach doesn’t bleed. Who has classes at 8am?

Somehow, my breakfast consists of spaghetti (but like spaghetti-o’s) and canadian bacon. The man next to me is actually consuming Vegemite. What the fuck?

The front stairs are being polished with an unnamed steaming liquid. I accept this as a fact of life.

My first class is botany. I discover that I’ll be doing two weeks on fungus. Makes cyanobacteria look glamorous.

In vertebrate biology, I learn to anticpate gutting a cow heart and fetus. Considering I missed out in high school, I’m excited, and the fact that I’m excited scares me a little. I’m also suddenly looking forwards to lunch.

Unfortunately, its only 9:30, and I’ve got a 2 and a half hour gap. I’m awake enough that I can’t sleep. I’m tired enough to not kill a kitten. And I don’t mean indirectly through masturbating. Maybe I need a new pastime, like wondering why the bakery smells like fish. A coincidence?

Standing in front of the Cajun Pasta, as far away from the bayou as you can get, the lunchlady is silent. Abruptly, she commands more than asks “Are you right?” I stand dumbfounded for a second, so she yells “CAN I HELP YOU?!” Because apparently in Australia, taking your order is the same as asking if you’re having a heart attack. Considering the food, I’m not surprised.

Outside, an ibis stares at me coldly. I suddenly would prefer nuggets.

Next class, Criminology. Our professor starts our lecture by spending no less than 3 minutes bitching about shampoo on airplanes. I should tell her what I found in my bag.

Towards the end, we’re discussion drug laws. And by discussing, I mean she’s talking at us. She vehemently defends drug use, telling us how modern drug laws break criminological theory. It’s comforting. If my professors are stoners, maybe they’re humans too.