Too Far For Pot

I've never claimed to be a big pot smoker. Maybe I'm a big drinker, and irresponsible in other ways, but my consumption of marijuana never goes above 'occasional'. So in retrospect, I dont know why I bothered.

The evening started out normally enough, with a gigantic overpriced dinner for 18. The booze started flowing with wine (red and white), scotch, and spiked hot chocolate. We were feeling good. Some of us headed for the bar at the hostel (and by some, I mean 4, which quickly became 2), which added some rum to the mix. But as 1am rolled around, 2 became 1, and I was now alone.

Let me tell you something about Christchurch. Despite its name and extravagantly isolated-in-public-square cathedrals, its actually quite a normal small city. Street malls, moderately sized buildings, and plenty of pubs. Except, considering this was a Sunday in Christchurch, pretty much none of them were open. Whether this is religious or simply a shit ass small town thing is beyond my knowledge. But I wandered around the city aimlessly, quickly losing track of my hostel, in an attempt to continue my feed.

A smattering of places were still open, but most were dull and unpromising. Only one, a bar called Taxi, showed any real signs of life. I went in, bought a pint, and nestled up to the cutest boy I could find. He seemed a bit younger than me (and was at 18), had bleach-blonde hair (I dont care if its fake, I still have a thing for blondes), and a piercing resembling my eyebrow, except halfway between his lip and chin. He told me he was half-Maori, which was funny because he was even whiter than me. Of course he was hetero, but I figure a little booze can always change things.

Apparently we struck up some rapport, because he invited me back to his hostel to smoke. This is a nice windfall in its own right, though the idea that more could come was still on the back of my mind. I didnt even mind when he asked to borrow 6 dollars to buy a beer, since I figured I'd be getting free weed within the hour.

"Hey, fatties, go home!", a call rung through the bar, vomited out of the mouth of an older, bald, dark, squinty-eyed man who appeared to have scoliosis. A belligerent lush is nothing new in a pub, but this one decided he'd have enough with his fat (actually rather fit and attractive) women and buddy up with us. He asked us our names, multiple times, patted us on the back, rubbed our heads, and at points seemed to try and kiss us. Irritating, plainly, but I assumed he'd just go away if we ignored him.

My half-Maori friend was not content to ignore him. The two seemed to buddy up nicely, and my new friend seemed to encourage the old drunk bastard. I on the other hand wanted to secretly slink out, but my friend was having none of it, and I wanted his pot. So stay I did, waiting for closing time.

Eventually, closing time did come, at about 2:30, and I assumed it was finally time to blaze. So imagine my surprise when my half-Maori friend continues to coddle the middle-aged AA dropout. Secret handshakes, shared stories of failures with women, and even an invitation to smoke pot with him. What the hell, did this boy just invite any weirdo he met to leech off his stash?

The weird old man seemed dead-set on starting a fight with the young German boys with the 'fat' girls. Basically, he was going to get his ass kicked. But my half-Maori friend pulled and dragged him along, determined to keep him out of trouble despite his insistent whiny complaints. This went for a good 20 minutes before the Germans were securely locked in their D-grade hostel. The old man was finally let on his way, and he bid us a pleasant goodnight, before banging on the iron door of the hostel, presumably until his fist bled or broke.

I asked my half-Maori friend why he ceaselessly babysat this cracked-out old timer. He told me he wanted to see a fight, so he could jump in and legitimately beat on the old man. Not sure what was stranger, that he had a strong urge to beat up a drunk old man, or the fact that everything he did was blatantly counterproductive to his goal. But I wanted free bud, so I didnt push the issue.

Soon, we realized we were completely and helplessly lost, and could not find his hostel/weed stash. So we went up to the first people we could find. It was an old Kiwi couple. The woman had a Lake Tahoe shirt, while the man opted for a more classy "Fuck The Police! Fuck The Man! Fuck The.." ect shirt. Instead of giving us directions, they opted to tell stories about their own heyday as over-the-top stoners, and share their whiskey with us. I suppose I cant complain.

Finally, we began to wrangle out directions from the old potheads, when a girl about our age wandered over, asking for a light. Before we had the chance to protest, the old woman started grilling the youngin about her life story. Frankly, I dont really care that she's run away from home and has to work as a skimpy-suited bartender in a seedy bar and has a restraining order on her adoptive father. I just want my Mary Jane. But the old woman turns shrink, and begins to diagnose her new protege's deep emotional scars, leading her away to a quiet corner while us three men sat patiently. I yawned ceaselessly, not even breaking when her bouncer/pimp came to cajole her back with thinly-veiled threats. But, return she did, and wait we did, as she offered to lead us back to the hostel.

"Are you gay?", he asks in boredom.
"What? Why?" I parry.
"Because you werent looking at her breasts, and you only gave a cursory glance at her ass tattoo. You were many looking at me."
I stifled a chuckle, before lying to his face.
"Nah, gotta remember I'm new here. I needed to judge your reactions."
This seemed to satisfy him, but only for a minute or so. Before long, he grew antsy.
"That bouncer better not have hurt her," he growled. "I'm going to go kick his ass."
And with that, he stormed into the pub after her.

Well, I sat with the old couple in waiting. It made me antsy myself. I've only known this boy for 2 hours or so, and I already feel a bind of loyalty. He might be in trouble, and I need to go help him, nevermind that I basically lack fighting prowess or muscles. I tell the old couple I'll be right back, and storm in the bar after him.

Looking around, I see no broken glasses, and hear no screams of pain. Just bored looking people drinking beer. So I push through the back doors into the smoking area. More people are in the back than the actual front. Looking around, I cant find the troubled girl. However, I spy my half-Maori friend with a little Asian girl. Has he found a new target. I wander over, but dont make my presence immediately known. Looking over his highly-distracted shoulder, I realize she's pouring pills into his hands. The fucking liar is in the middle of a drug deal!

Still, I figure if I dont get free pot, atleast I can get free pills. I pull back, recline against a pole, and wait. A few minutes later, they're done. He almost doesnt notice me, until I stick my foot out to trip him.

"Hey, I thought you might be getting beaten up, so I came to help", I offered as nonchalantly as I could fake. He just looked at me stupidly, before snapping to and introducing me to the Asian girl as his 'good friend'. I didnt hide rolling my eyes. Waving her off momentarily, he pulled me aside. "Hey, I'm almost done here, I'll be with you in a minute or two."

So, I made my way out to the sleepy main bar, and ordered a drink. Half the drink later, they did finally make their way out, breezing right past me without a notice. I quickly sculled the rest and followed them out, watching as they passed the now-vacant old couple's seat, passed the pole where the troubled girl flipped a shit and nearly broke her foot, and straight on till morning. I presume they're going to get high and fuck like rabbits. I dont bother trying to stop them.

It's been 3 hours. I've drank beer I didnt want, including some that wasnt mine. I fronted 6 dollars I'll never get back. I tolerated an inanely fucked drunk for an intolerable amount of time, recounted the old times with crusty stoners, life-coached a girl with a really bad history, risked life and limb to rescue a stranger, sat on my ass for way too long, and got basically stood up for pills and tight mongoloid pussy. I never even got my fucking pot. Children, this is why you shouldnt smoke.