Bad Luck Tiki

I dont believe in luck, it's that simple. However, my belief was shaken recently. When I was in the Maori village, I bought a small Tiki necklace. It looked like this:



It's supposed to represent unborn children and bring you good luck. However, I wonder how wearing a fetus around your neck could bring anything good. I also was worried that wearing 2 necklaces, a nice watch, a leather cuff bracelet, a rubber wristband, an ipod (which is practically a fashion accessory), and an eyebrow ring would be a little excessive. I shouldve listened to my first instinct.

Things seemed fine. I bought the necklace, along with a little wooden statuette and a glass kiwi bird for my mother, had them all wrapped up, and brought back to my hotel. At the hotel, I unwrapped the tiki, and put it on its new home around my neck. Then I went out for lunch. At the first intersection, I was almost run down by a car.

Now, it didnt strike me as too weird. I mean, traffic is on the opposite side of the road, and it was possible that after 5 months, I still wasnt used to everything. However, my suspicion was aroused when at the next road crossing, I was almost bowled over by a tour bus. And just to top that off, a third car narrowly avoided my cranium on the return trip.

Maybe I was just having a bad day. I didnt think the tiki was doing it, because otherwise I wouldnt have worn it for skydiving. Luckily, my bad luck tiki struck early. Skydiving was cancelled due to high winds, and rescheduled for bright and early the next morning, when the weatherman predicted 70% chance of it being calm and beautiful.

So we woke up bright and early at 5am, and I dont need to tell you what happened next. It was shitty, windy, and drizzly out. I'd worn my necklace overnight.

Skipping skydiving for now, we made our way towards Wellington. Most of the time it was rainy and crap, obscuring our views of the famous Mt. Doom, among other things. The Lord Of The Rings dorks among us were sad, but I didnt mind, since I hate those movies. I'm glad they didnt yet realize I was to blame.

There was one stop we made, a town with a break in the clouds. Now, I know what they say about showers bringing flowers, but there's supposed to be a time delay. I stepped off the bus, and was immediately slapped in the face with the worst allergy attack I've had in over a year. I was sneezing, coughing, dripping, and my eyes burned. One sunny spot in the entire north island, and I'm agonizing.

When we leave the town, my allergies go away, but the sore throat and cough persist, and worsen. My lymph glands (wiki it) swell. My congestion reaches new highs. Yes, I have a nasty cold, the only cold I've had since I left America 5 months earlier, and quite possibly my only cold of 2007. It is here that I finally realize the bad influence of my necklace.

Mind you, it was entirely in jest. I didnt really think my tiki was really bringing bad luck. I mean, these are large scale climate things, and colds just happen. Even when I decided to go down the wet kiddy slide in the park, where despite its shallow angle I still ended up barreling off the slide, flying into the air, landing hard on my back, soaking my pants, and disintegrating my return train ticket, I didnt believe the curse.

No, I think when I finally started believing the curse was at Fox Glacier. We were supposed to take a helicopter to the top, but a sudden early fog grounded our flight. We begged them to wait, just a few minutes, but the schedule was tight. Flights were cancelled... That is, until the fog cleared up 20 minutes later, and every subsequent flight of the day went without a hitch. No, this was personal. This made me a believer.

Still, I carried a shred of doubt. I mean, this happened to my entire group. Maybe someone else on tour was cursed, right? Well, that doubt was squelched when we arrived at our hotel in Queenstown. The first bunch in, we took the elevator one floor down, because we were too lazy to drag our bags. We arrived at our floor, the bell dinged, but the door just kinda stayed put. One floor, and for the very first time in my life, I was trapped in an elevator. This time, the blame felt squarely on me, and my fellow trapmates knew it. I swore to them I'd get rid of the necklace at some point during the half hour wait we had for rescue.

Of course I lied. I paid good money for this thing! However, I had the good sense to not wear it during my hang glide or bungy jump. No, I only wore it when I was walking around the town. It's a respectable hike, so I brought my ipod, only to discover that while I thought it had charge, it was quite dead. Long boring quiet walk I had.

Wouldnt it be nice if that was the extent of my bad luck? When I returned to the hotel, I promptly plugged in my charger to refuel my baby. The comforting Apple logo popped up... and stayed. I rebooted. The ominous Apple logo popped up again, only to disappear. Then reappear. Then disappear. Over and over. My ipod was stuck in infinite reboot. Just in time, too. My 28 hour journey home was only a day and a half away.

On my return, I discovered 3 horrific facts. One, my ipod had its first birthday while I was in New Zealand. Two, its birthday was only 2 days before it broke. Three, my warranty only lasts 1 year. My ipod was totally and permanently fucked, and there was nothing I could do about besides buy a new one.

And there you have it. My tiki brought endless trouble to the tour, cost me 200 dollars, and nearly got me killed multiple times. But hey, atleast it looks nice on me...

... Psych! There's no way I was bringing that bad juju on an airplane! I tossed it into a creek in a small park in Christchurch. Leave it in the land of the Maoris. Hopefully it'll be purified before the next dumb schmuck who finds it thinks it's cool to wear a fetus around your neck.