Diving Addendum

I thought it was all over when we left the boats and returned to our hotels. I was wrong. Why havent I learned my lesson yet?

We all met to eat alittle and go drinking later that night. Really, it was quite mellow, until the alcohol really began to flow. Now, the thing about me is that I always seem drunk, whether I'm sober, drunk, or under the effects of nitrogen narcosis. So I blended in just fine. But everyone else slowly began to unravel...

The old divers among us started grilling us newbies as to why we felt the need to dive. I think they saw right through my bullshit flowery explainations of "The underwater world is so alien", and eventually whittled us down to "We wanted to try something new", which is exactly why they still dive 20 years later. Good on them.

The first sign something was amiss was when our dive instructor went missing. We found her later being quite flirty and touchy at the bar with an ex-boyfriend. In the meanwhile, the divemaster, the stupid shmuck, called me over to confess he had no idea where our little asian cook Ukari was from. I proved she was from Japan by having alittle chat in Japanese and making up total bullshit about my high school japanese teacher. I think this placated our divemaster, and he called a truce with me.

Things went downhill fast when the Jagerbombs starting dropping. Line them all up, balance the shots of Jager on the spots where the two glasses meet, and drop them like Dominos. We were determined to get it to work, despite our constant knocking them in prematurely. We went through 3 rounds of bombs in under 15 minutes just to get it right. Despite our truce, the tension between myself and the divemaster resulted in drinking competition, and I could down a Bomb way faster than that tool. But, one of the girls from our group could mop the floor with all of us, so I've got no leg to stand on here either.

I had to call a break, because even if I wasnt drunk, I still felt alittle nauseous. They all raced ahead of me. The divemaster got on stage, and started embarassing himself publically. He was joined shortly by our dive instructor, and the two grinded the evening away. I opted to hang behind, dancing just alittle and chatting with those who hadnt dropped off yet, with the exception of one guy who'd apparently divined my sexuality and avoided me as subtlely as possible.

After a few songs of dancing with the always pleasant Ukari, I realized everyone was gone, except me and one other guy. So, we'd make our way to the Woolshed, which appeared to be the only good backpacker bar in the city. Good deals too. But despite being able to get into the past 2 bars, my last friend had no ID on him, and couldnt get into the Woolshed. He left, leaving me all alone. I went up anyway... and there they were.

Our instructor, her ex, our divemaster, the Jager Queen, and that little Irish guy were all there. Glad to not be alone, I tried to make smalltalk, but quickly backed away when I realize what I'd walked into, what had developed as I danced with the cook. The Ex had decided he'd get back with our Instructor and was pulling for her hard, but she seemed to develop the hots for the Divemaster in her drunken state. He plainly wanted her too, but was willing to go with anything female that moved, so he was busy snogging with the available but objectively less attractive Jager Queen.

The little Irishman, our resident leprechaun, simply stood off to the side, watching with a bemused smirk. I went over to talk to him, but as our drama moved from the bar to the dancefloor, and he blathered on about the joys of diving in Mozambique, I decided I'd had enough. We started at 8pm, and it was already 3am, and we'd been up since 5am. Plus, I'm 50 bucks in the hole. I'm going home.

I got in, took a nice hot shower, and prepped for bed. However, sleep was not to come. I was in the top bunkbed, and below me, the couple fucked like epileptic arthritic rabbits. No moans, but the bed wouldnt stop shaking and creaking. I climbed down to take a piss, then to get some water, then to get a blindfold, then to grab some cash from my wallet and head for the vending machine. Nothing disturbed them. To be honest, I was jealous. Why couldnt me and that boy in Sydney just start ass-copulating in plain sight with reckless abandon?

Sleep finally came my way, and you know when it rains, it pours. 14 hours under my belt, alcohol and dissolved nitrogen detoxed, certification official, and I'm finally starting to feel human again.