Spiderman

A funnelweb attacked me. I was trying to measure its burrow, and it suddenly charged out and struck at my hand viciously. However, the would-be assailant was measured at only 4 millimeters long. Mid-strike, it let out an inaudible arachnid shriek, and dove back to safety faster than it came.

I knew I had to come back and tango with its big brothers later.

Came back that night with a fly, a spotlight, tweezers, and a believable backstory in case I got caught. It was time to feed the funnelwebs. I wandered down the narrow path into the rainforest, blind and alone. However, its hard to be afraid when the largest animal around is a wallaby. No, my only risk is stepping on a snake in the dark. That, or having the tweezer be just a little too short.

I find my first spider, but the pussy fucker recoils from the light. I offer it the fly on the tweezers. I didnt see anything happen, but I did notice the fly was gone. Damn, lets try that again!

Just by chance, I find a beetle on a tree. Catch it almost too easily. The thing is lazy as shit. I keep dropping it, but it goes nowhere, just twitching on its back. I offer it to the original spider, but I suppose he's already full. Next door, a trap door spider takes a peek through a little window. I offer the beetle, and its obviously tempted. Pokes its head out slowly. In, out, in, out. Cant make up its fucking simple arthropod mind. I give up on it, and move on with my beetle.

Next spider is not shy. It stands in full view at the edge of its den. And it is not alone. A cluster of over a dozen burrows surrounds it. That's 12x8 (almost 100) eyes staring at me hungrily. I offer the beetle to the biggest spider, and it immediately pounces. I discover why the beetle is so lazy; the spider cant break through its hard shell. But god, how it tries. It grabs on, and I realize I can drag the spider out for a better (and stupider) full look. I halfway succeed before it realizes and scurries back deep. The beetle is unharmed, and continues its lazy squirming until I accidentally drop it for good.

By chance again, I find a cricket. Catch it in the fly's plastic bag, corner it, and grab a leg with the tweezers. It simply rips its own leg off and hops away. I'm left with just a drumstick, but its worth a shot. Find a new web, and scratch the opening with the leg. Spider doesnt budge. I move the leg right in front of the spider. Not even a flinch... until it suddenly lashes out. It strikes blisteringly fast, then rears up on its back legs, flashing its fangs for me. This is the moneyshot. Those fangs must be atleast half a centimeter long each. When it appears I wont be intimidated, it backs off, and I leave the leg as a gift.

Coming back, I decide to find a Redback to make my night complete. Turn over a couple rocks. I fail to find a funnelweb, but a nasty centipede will have to do. Entemology may be boring, but entemology with venom rocks.

I return to find the few remaining awake smoking pot and playing with the thermometer guns. Who had the better night?