It's Actually Not Herpes

I have a cut on the corner of my mouth. It looks like herpes. But nah, its just a cut. Unfortunately, its place near a moving part makes it nigh-impossible for the scab to heal on its own. This has happened before, and the solution is easy. Just put some Neosporin on it. But, of course, it’s never that simple around here.

I go down to the local chemist, because calling it a pharmacy would be too obvious. Search around first aid, but find nothing. I ask the pharmacist where I’d fine topical antibiotics, and he points me towards sexual health. Not what I had in mind. However, I do contemplate buying a lambskin condom while I’m here.

I go to the counter, and ask the man if he has some Neosporin. He says ‘Yes’, and smiles at me. I can’t tell if the smile is vapid or sinister. Not in the mood to play games, I ask him if I can have some. “Yes… if you get a prescription.”

Again, I find myself staring at someone behind a counter dumbfounded. What the hell? “A prescription… Neosporin requires a prescription?”

“Oh yes,” he says. “You must be from America. Neosporin is prescription here. On the plus side, you can get codeine over the counter.”

Blink, blink, walk out.

Next day, I trudge over to Student Health Services. I have no intention of getting a prescription, but I bet I can bum free samples. Of course, it’s never that simple. They don’t have any, but can pencil me for an appointment in three days. The nurse is fat and angry; I believe she wants to give me the Hansel treatment.

She suggests I try the only OTC around, some iodine cream. So it’s back to the chemist. We all know chemistry can’t work magic, but you’d think they could at least not make it brown. If it didn’t look like I had herpes before, it does now.

I finally get my prescription, without any hassle. Except for the past few days. But I take my beautiful piece of paper and walk down to the pharmacy. I confidently hand it to the woman behind the counter, and she looks at me like I have two heads. Or herpes.

“Neosporin? We haven’t carried that in years!”

On the plus side, I can get codeine over the counter. For the fourth time since arriving, I strongly consider getting addicted to substances. Is this a goal of mine? Ah well, aim high.